What's Caused Half of All Human Deaths Since the Stone Age?

No, it's not the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. It's malaria, and this article by Sonia Shah, author of "The Fever: How Malaria Has Ruled Humankind for 500,000 Years," provides an incredible account of our battle with the disease dating back to the Roman Empire. The scourge of malaria led the regal, Roman physician Serenus Sammonicus to prescribe the wearing of an amulet inscribed with the word "Abracadabra" as one of the first attempts at a cure. That didn't quite work, and since, that word has crept into one of my most hated corners of our lexicon: magicians' phrases. Now we have to watch Criss Angel say it as he gets paid to pretend to walk on water while dressed like a kid who hates his parents and all the popular kids at school because he's the loser who decided to do magic tricks instead of play sports. I hate you, Criss Angel. The only "Mindfreak" that's going on here is that you somehow misspelled "Chris," and that a large enough portion of America thinks you can float for you to get a show. You started this, Serenus Sammonicus, and if you were alive I'd punch you in the ear.

Anyway, malaria continues to kill nearly 1 million people every year and the only thing anyone seems to care about is when the next LFO album comes out. I know "Summer Girls" is intoxicating, but for the sake of mankind, quit thinking about girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch long enough to start hating Criss Angel...and malaria.